


Whole Again

by drizzlemesane



Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Chapter 11 spoilers, Depression, F/F, I have a lot of feels that keep wanting to be written down, Physical Disability, Ruby is a huge dork though, Volume 3 Spoilers, it makes me happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 20:49:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5942638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drizzlemesane/pseuds/drizzlemesane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yang tries to adjust to the new addition in her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whole Again

**Author's Note:**

> So this technically could be a sequel to "Broken," but I'd written 1,000 words in third person POV before I realized that, and it would have felt weird to put it together with a first person POV story. Somewhat important thing from the other fic - Beacon has been kept open for the summer for kids that don't have a home to go to due to losing their families to the attack on Vale (or just don't want to go home). No classes or anything, just a place for them to stay for lack of another option.
> 
> Teen rating for strong language.

Yang was doing better; she really was.  She was joining her team for meals again.  She was joking around with them (and making terrible puns, of course).  She was smiling.  Actual, real smiles.  She was adjusting somewhat to only having one arm.  The times when she'd try to pick up her toothbrush or her scroll with a hand that wasn't there were becoming less frequent.

Her relationship with Blake was finally progressing, too.  They would cuddle, laugh, talk about everything and nothing.  If Ruby and Weiss were in the dorm, they would sneak away to shadowy corners in the halls of Beacon to make out.  Blake made her feel beautiful even while the back of her mind shouted _"freak."_

She would even dare to call herself happy most days.  But then the day finally came when her stump was healed enough for a prosthetic.

-

It was a simple thing, at first.  A plain, roughly shaped piece of wood with a metal clamp at the end that she could take on and off when she pleased.  It couldn't do much, but it made some things easier, like dressing.  It wasn't forever; she wouldn't even have it for that long, actually.  It was just to tide her over, to help her start getting used to a false limb - until Ruby, Ironwood, and the Atlas nerds finished the other.  The one that would be permanently fused to the stub of flesh below her shoulder.

It was a simple thing, yes.  But the feelings of resentment it spurred within her were anything but simple.  It was the catalyst that lead to a complete turnaround on her mental state.  A few days into wearing it she was completely despondent.  Back to rarely leaving her room.  She was back to forcing smiles and hardly sharing physical affection with her girlfriend.  She hid it as well as she could, but.  They knew.  Even naive little Ruby.

-

"I made the new Ember Celica just the same.  It'll respond to the same motions, activate the same way, everything.  But I might have added something else to your actual arm.  If you don't like it I can totally get rid of it," Ruby stammered, words coming out a mile a minute.  "Actually, it was probably a bad idea.  Never mind.  It shouldn't take more than a couple hours if you want me to modify it back to - "

"Well, if you thought of it, I'm sure it's awesome," Yang interrupted.  Her sister gave her a tiny smile, cheeks turning red.  She led the taller girl into the middle of the room - hopefully far enough away from anything flammable.

"There are two switches here, see?" she asked, pointing at the two small, grey buttons near the bottom of her palm.  "You have to press down on both of them at the same time.  Figured that would help you not like, accidentally deploy it all the time."  Yang focused on her ring and middle fingers, imagining what the motion would feel like.  The digits responded sluggishly, stretching down to the two buttons and pressing them down simultaneously.  A red glow lit up from the tips of the fingers to just after the wrist - fire Dust woven into the metal? - and the metallic fist burst into flames.

"Whoa!  Warn me next time, Rubes."

"Heh, sorry.  Just wanted to see the look on your face," the leader stated, giggling.  "Hold down the buttons again to turn it off.  There are little, well, veins would be a good word, I guess?  That run through your arm and carry the Dust.  Each load is enough to burn for a half hour or so."  After the flames went out, she pointed to a small rectangle on the forearm - close to where metal met flesh.  "This is where it goes in.  Powdered Dust only.  Don't try to shove a crystal in there," she admonished, popping the compartment open with a small, well-hidden switch.

"It's fireproof up to...well.  I had Weiss hit it with every speck of fire Dust in Myrtenaster's chamber and it came out fine.  Plenty durable, too.  I hit it as hard as I could with Crescent Rose and there wasn't a scratch.  Shot it a couple times, even at point blank range.  So even as hard as you can hit, it should survive about anything you can put it through.  Waterproof up to a hundred meters.  So don't worry about getting electrocuted if you get caught in the rain or something.  It's fine in the shower, too, and..." Ruby trailed off hesitantly.  Yang was looking down at her metallic palm with a glare.

"Do you not like it?"

The pitiful-sounding question snapped the blonde out of her daze.  She forced a convincing smile and said, "No, yeah, Rubes.  It's great.  I know how much work you put into it and I appreciate it.  It's awesome."

Her sister grinned in response, apparently convinced.  "Glad you like it.  Only the best for my big sis."

-

The fork bent between metal fingers, the pile of scrambled eggs falling off into her lap.  She growled, flinging the bent cutlery onto her plate.

"It's fine, Yang.  Just try again?  Ruby said your arm responds to your thoughts, but it should be as natural as breathing.  Maybe you're just thinking too hard," Blake suggested, handing her a new fork.

She took it with her left hand.  The real one.  "Forget it.  I'll practice later."

-

"Did you want to go train today, maybe?"

It didn't matter which of her teammates asked.  The response was always the same:  a small smile and "Nah.  Maybe tomorrow."

-

She'd noticed something.  To her, it was the other arm.  The fake arm.  The metal one.  To her team it was _hers_.  They were wrong.  The hunk of metal and hidden wires and Dust would never be hers.  It would never replace what she'd lost.  She'd never accept it, even if she was literally stuck with it - the metal permanently affixed to her skin.

She'd noticed something else.  The numbness that had settled over her was slowly being pushed away by rage.  She wasn't sure how long it would be before the feeling surfaced.

-

"Look at yourself, Yang!  You say you want to still be a Huntress but you've let losing your arm defeat you!  You haven't trained a damn bit.  You haven't worked on your dexterity.  You pretend your arm isn't even there half the time!  You look at it like you're afraid of it."

"I _am_ afraid of it, okay?  When I look down and see a hunk of metal where _my_ arm should be, all I remember is what it felt like to lose it.  How fucking stupid I was to let it happen.  How I failed miserably in something as simple as protecting my partner.  How I'm a failure."

She wasn't sure how they'd gotten to this point.  Shouting at each other.  She vaguely remembered Blake making her daily suggestion of training before she'd just went off, eyes burning red as her temper took over.

"If you let _this_ take you down?  Then yes, you are a failure, Yang," Blake spat.  "Yang Xiao Long, the girl I've seen break a giant robot into pieces with her bare hands and jump into a Giant Nevermore's beak without hesitation.  The girl that's been Ruby's big sister _and_ mother and done an amazing job of it.  The girl that's always been the heart and soul and strength of this team, and that made me fall in love with her warmth and kindness.  That's not who's standing in front of me right now.  You're a shell, Yang.  There's nothing left in you and you need to find yourself again."

Yang stood frozen to the spot, breath coming in harsh pants, meeting her partner's amber gaze with a glare.  "You're one to talk about being afraid, you know.  Still wearing that fucking bow all the time, even when it's just your team around."

A retort died on her partner's lips as Yang spun on her heel, striding out the door and slamming it behind her.

-

She ran until she didn't think she could, but then ran some more.  Finally, she physically couldn't continue, weeks of laziness tormenting her.  Hands on her knees, she bent over and gasped for air.  Once her lungs stopped screaming at her, she stood up and leveled her glare on the trees in front of her.  Her protesting legs had brought her all the way to Forever Fall.

_What's wrong with me?  How could I say something like that to her?  Dust, she's right.  I'm not Yang anymore.  I would have never said something so disrespectful before.  I would never..._ "Fuck!"

She walked up to one of the red-leafed trees, metallic hand balling into a fist.  She hit the trunk with everything she had, wood splinters flying everywhere.  The top half of the tree, suddenly finding itself disconnected from the bottom, slowly fell to the ground with a crash.

The howls started up even as the tree's fall still echoed through the forest.  Beowolves.

Attracted by the noise, or even by her state of mind (she might only be one person, but she was sure the intense anger she felt was like a flashing neon sign to the Grimm), the creatures started pouring out of the forest around her.  There were at least a dozen of them, but they were young, small, weak.

Young Beowolves were first year at Signal stuff.  Even out of practice, she could handle them.  Ember Celica activated with a flick of her wrists, the _chink_ of metal sliding against metal comforting in its familiarity.

A tiny part of her brain told her to wait.  To plan.  To run, even.  It reminded her of what happened the last time she dove into a fight with no prior thought.

She ignored it, running to meet the beasts head-on.

-

Seven down, five to go.  But she was completely drained; weeks of inactivity taking their toll.  Ember Celica felt like lead weights to her aching shoulders.  A Beowolf charged at her, sharp claws glinting in the sun as they came her way.  She struggled to raise her arm - the left one, her real one - to block them with a gauntleted forearm.  She was too tired, too slow -

The clang of metal against claw rang through the forest.  Blake stood in front of her, Gambol Shroud in her hands.  After a momentary blur of motion from her partner and her shadow clones, the five remaining Grimm were nothing but a smoking heap on the ground.

"What are you doing here?" Yang grunted out.  _What are_ you _doing?  She just saved your idiot ass!_ she screamed at herself.

"I followed you.  Didn't want you to do anything stupid," the Faunus replied.

"I was trying to do what you wanted.  Trying to be Yang again.  And I didn't ask for your help," she shot back venomously.

"Well I didn't ask you to run off and do something that could have gotten you killed!"

The blonde shrugged.  "If I'm not the same Yang anymore, would it really matter?"  _You don't mean that.  You don't want to die.  You want to get better, for Blake.  For Ruby and Weiss.  Your family.  Take it back, moron!_ She just couldn't seem to put her thoughts into words.

The hurt look in Blake's eyes was too much.  She turned away, stumbling back the way she came.  Running from her partner.  Again.

-

"Blake."  The Faunus' head snapped towards her as she entered the room.  "Can we talk?"  She took a brief look around.  Ruby and Weiss were out; good.

Her partner, brows furrowed, looked past her shoulder to the door, as if considering bolting.  Or shoving Yang back out of it.  Deciding to not even give Blake the choice, she barreled on.  "I'm an idiot.  A giant one.  And I'm so, so sorry."

"No."  Blake shook her head fiercely, her gaze softening.  "I asked for it.  I wanted to make you angry; to feel _something_.  You've just been so...not cold, just.  Numb."

Yang mirrored the head shake.  "Don't apologize, please.  You were right about everything."  She tentatively took a seat next to her partner, her fake arm resting on the mattress between them.  "I've been awful.  Right fucking stupid.  Cowardly.  I've been treating you like shit when you've been nothing but supportive.  Way more than I deserve."  She paused for a breath, trying to get her racing thoughts in order.  "I'm weak, Blake.  When I'm used to being the strong one."  The Faunus opened her mouth, but she went on before the other girl could interrupt.  "I don't mean physically.  I mean yeah, right now maybe.  But I can get strong again.  It's choosing to that's the hard part.  I've been refusing to accept that this," she paused, raising her metallic arm, "is part of me now.  I've been blaming it for how I've been acting.  But it's not the... _my_...arm's fault.  It's mine.  You were right.  I am scared of it.  Terrified.  Scared that I can never get used to it or that it'll never work as well as my other arm or that.  Well.  That I can't hold my girlfriend's hand without crushing it."

Without a word, Blake slid her hand into Yang's cool, metallic one, her fingers grasping the Faunus' reflexively.  She stared at their clasped hands, breath coming in short gasps.  She didn't know if she was holding on too hard, she was going to crush Blake's hand, she was -

"Hey.  Relax.  I trust you, Yang," Blake whispered, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek.  She let out a whimper, eyes darting back and forth between her partner's and their hands.  "Hey.  Eyes on me."  Blake's other hand came up to cup her chin, gently forcing her gaze up and away.  The Faunus leaned forward, bringing their lips together in a gentle embrace.

Yang brought up her real hand - no.  Her other hand.  Her left hand. - up, twining her fingers through raven hair, resting it on the back of Blake's neck as she relaxed into the kiss.  They finally broke apart, Blake with a smile on her face.  "Look," she said simply.

Yang gazed down at their still joined hands.  Her partner's wasn't changing color or anything that would indicate the circulation getting cut off.  She glanced back up at Blake's face - the small, content smile was still present.  She either wasn't in pain or she was Remnant's greatest actress.  Yang felt the corners of her own lips turning upwards.  She thought she could even feel the barest hint of Blake's cool skin against her hand.

Right before the surgery to have her arm attached, Ruby had rambled off some super technical thing about touch receptors.  How it wouldn't be quite the same, but would give her _some_ feeling.  She personally thought her sister was full of shit - how could metal feel?  She hadn't felt anything but a void of what used to be there, until that moment.

"You're going to let me help you, okay?  No more of this idiotic sulking," Blake stated, pausing to kiss her again.  "You're going to learn to use your new hand.  You're training with us again.  And if we have to beat the self-destructive streak out of you, we're going to teach you to _think_ before you attack.  Because I'm not letting my idiot partner get herself killed."

"I'm looking forward to it," Yang responded.  She even meant it.

"You were right about one thing, though.  Even if the delivery was pretty poor," Blake said with a chuckle.  "There's a part of me that I've maybe done a poor job of accepting, too."  She pulled at the end of the ribbon on top of her head, fabric falling away to reveal pointy black ears.  The furry appendages wiggled in celebration of their freedom.

The blonde grinned.  "Hey, beautiful."  Blake's cheeks lit up with a blush.  Reluctantly pulling her hand from her partner's, she raised it up tentatively.  At the Faunus' nod, she reached out to gently prod at an ear with her metallic fingertip.  She carefully focused on the ear's movement and the faintest echo of the feeling of soft fur to make sure she didn't hurt the delicate appendage.

"I trust you," her partner repeated, her confidence carrying over to the other girl.  Yang's left hand joined her right, each gently scratching at the base of an ear.  A gentle purr of appreciation rolled out of Blake's chest.

"It's gonna be hard," she warned her girlfriend.  "I'll probably have more ups and downs like before.  This might not be the last time you have to knock some sense into me."

"I know," Blake agreed.  "I can handle it.  I'd rather get in the occasional shouting match with you than not be with you at all."

"Well, I'm sorry in advance.  For when I'm too dumb to say it," the blonde said with a chuckle.

"I accept.  In advance.  I've got a question, though."  She continued, prompted by a raised eyebrow.  "What are you going to do to make up for this, and future, offenses?"

Yang grinned, pushing her girlfriend down onto the bed and locking their lips together.  Her right hand stayed safely away, gripping the headboard.  She was still new at this, after all.  It was one thing when she was concentrating.  It was a completely different story when Blake distracted her with her lips, her little noises, her fingers...

Yang definitely heard the wooden beam creaking in her grip.  Yeah, practice time, ASAP.

_Well,_ she thought, groaning as Blake's teeth nipped at the skin of her neck.  _It can wait a few minutes, I guess._

Somewhere in the middle of hoping she didn't break the bed and awkwardly freeing Blake of her shirt with one hand, she realized that she felt whole again, for the first time in a long time.  She hoped the feeling lasted.

**Author's Note:**

> Can Remnant's technology actually support this prosthetic? Does Dust work this way? Who knows. But it was fun to write about.
> 
> Yang playing with Blake's ears is my lifeblood.


End file.
